What’s the first thing you notice about a person? Not many will say clothes, but when it comes to the guy I’m dating that’s probably the answer he’ll give you. I am not someone who puts much thought into their wardrobe. I will always decide on my outfit the morning of and base my choice on comfort and the weather outside. Of course I’ll put thought into my outfit when it comes to special events, but other than that I don’t worry about dressing a certain way or what people think about what I wear. Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I look like a total slacker either.

I’ve never felt pressured to dress nicer; well not until I started dating someone who cares way too much about the way he looks. His everyday look consists of slacks or khakis, a polo of some sort of dress shoes and a watch (dear god, he never forgets the watch). In all of our time together, I have never seen him in simple jeans and a t-shirt. I’m not even convinced that he owns jeans.

When we had our first date, I asked him about how I should dress and he said, “nothing too fancy.” I then asked what he was wearing and told me he was dressed casually, just what he had worn to work. He works at a law office. I should’ve known that his “casual” was nothing like mine. He showed up to my door in dress pants and a completely different dress shirt than the one he was wearing at work that day. As long as he’s not wearing a tie or a blazer, it’s casual to him. That was the first time that I had worried about what someone thought about my clothes.

After that date, I felt the pressure of having to look as nice as he always does, but as our relationship progressed it went away. I realized that it doesn’t matter how I dress because that’s not what he likes me for. And even if he did, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who valued me based on what clothes I wear.

It’s nice to make the effort and try to look nice for someone, but it shouldn’t be the focus of a relationship or the reason you date someone. People should dress how they like, I’m not here to discourage anyone. Dress for yourself, not how you think someone wants you to.