I was trying to write a column in which I‘d say how happy I am to not have to spend money for this holiday and it turned out to be more difficult than I thought. After a couple of words written down and some jokes from my friends, I realized I’m actually confused about Valentine’s Day this year.

Coming out of a relationship that lasted four years and five months, it is hard to understand my feelings toward Valentine’s Day. It is difficult since the girl I loved dumped me.

The excitement I felt when I saw her walking toward me on our first Valentine’s Day was one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced in my life. Without a doubt, it was the most cliché Valentine’s Day I will ever have. I was nervous, happy and scared, but it was the best one because I made sure everything was perfect, but that changed.

Every Valentine’s Day following that one became more challenging to not repeat what I did the previous year. It was a pain, especially when she said to not worry about getting her something fancy.
I’m relieved I don’t have to buy those expensive things with money I don’t have. I’m happy I won’t have to wait on her for two hours after the time we both had set to leave by. I’m relieved I don’t have to go through that awkward silence her parents created when I asked them for their permission to go out with their daughter.

I’m broke and not having to buy all the things I used to buy each Valentine’s Day will definitely help my credit card. I won’t have to worry about finding the perfect gift, the overpriced roses or the unnecessary heart-shaped balloons and all the other cliché gifts I would buy. Not having to think about where to go and what to do is a relief, especially since I always aimed to get a better gift every year. I would always get stressed about what to give her each year. But not this year. I’m glad I won’t see her throwing away the dead flowers I gave her or how the unnecessary gifts end up in the back of her closet.
Valentine’s Day is fun, stressful, and for some it can be a very sad day reflecting on past relationships, but this year it will be just like any other day for me.