Valentine’s Day may be a day to celebrate all things love, but for those who just went through a breakup, the thought of anything lovey dovey feels like a stab in the heart by cupid’s arrow. Here are a few things you can do this weekend to mend that aching soul.
Quit bugging me
The El Paso Zoo is hosting its second annual “Quit Bugging Me” event on Valentine’s Day weekend where you can submit the name of your ex to be assigned to a cockroach that’ll be fed to a meerkat.
This year, other animals, such as monkeys and birds, are also joining in on the cockroach-eating fun. The names of these bygones taking on the form of bugs will adorn the animals’ exhibits this weekend and all of it will be live streamed.
“We kicked this off last year and it was just a wild idea we thought of,” said El Paso Zoo event coordinator Sarah Borrego. “Some other zoos name the cockroaches, but we wanted to do something more gruesome.”
Another addition to this event is an especially gut-churning incentive. While having a cockroach named is free of charge, donations are also welcomed and appreciated. To incentivize donations to the zoo, for every $1,000 raised, Zoo Director Joe Montisano will eat a roach.
Montisano is already going to have to eat five roaches. Borrego says Montisano is not too thrilled about this but is in good spirits for raising awareness.
“We’ve had a great response. We’ve gotten names from Australia, the Czech Republic, Thailand, and even Iceland,” Borrego said.
Last year, proceeds went to a partner orangutan conservation group, but this year all the money from the donations will go to caring for the animals locally.
Borrego says it will help engage the animals in enrichment activities and with veterinary costs, exhibit maintenance and food.
“We’re really excited. Not only is it educational, but we’ve gotten stories that people have gotten closure from this, even from abusive relationships,” Borrego said. “If this helps them move on, then that’s great.”
Helping animals all while getting rid of that pesky bug problem once and for all; it’s a win-win. For more information, visit elpasozoo.org
Past flings for hot wings
Take a picture of your ex to be shredded at Hooter’s this Feb. 14 and with a dine-in purchase of 10 wings, patrons will receive another 10 free boneless wings.
You can even virtually shred your ex for a digital coupon to redeem the offer. Your ex might’ve been spineless, but these boneless freebies might just leave you with a better taste in your mouth.
Target your ex and “Relaxe”
Take in a physical photo of your ex this Valentine’s Day weekend at Relaxe, El Paso’s very first axe-throwing venue at 808 Montana Ave., and use it to target any residual emotions by actually using their photo as a target.
Bars & bitters
Church Bar right next to the downtown San Jacinto Plaza will have an “Anti-Valentine’s Day” bartending contest and the “Love Sucks Pub Crawl” featuring stops at 5 Points Bistro, 1/8 Pizza Pub, Coconuts Bar and Grill and Dewey’s Corner Pub. All for a good cause, too, since a portion of the proceeds will be going to support the Rescue Mission of El Paso. Partial owner Rico Velez of Dewey’s says they’ll be throwing a “love sucks party” with a deejay and drink specials.
If maybe a rebound rendezvous is more up your alley, Joe Vinny & Bronsons Bohemian Café will host a speed dating night Feb. 15 for singles ages 28-36.
Want to let that not-so-special-anymore someone know exactly how you feel about them?
If you want to put a price on revenge, thepayback.com has got you covered with the option of sending your ex wilted flower assortments, a box of melted chocolates, or even “one dead, smelly fish.”
Shipjoker.com will send your ex an endless Valentine’s Day card. The melody it plays once opened is set on an infinite loop and will only stop ringing in the ears of your mortal enemy once destroyed. You can even add glitter to the card for that extra petty pizzazz. Shipyourenemiesglitter.com will also anonymously bomb he/she who shall not be named with enough glitter to last longer than your relationship.
Feeling like a real stinker?
Poopsenders.com will anonymously (complete with zero paper trail), send your ex an assortment of excrements to choose from. Their “combo pack” being a foul medley of cow, elephant and gorilla feces. Let them know they’re not number one in your heart anymore with a heaping pile of number two.
Sasha Minjarez may be reached at prospector.utep.edu